Fifty Shades of Grey
Chapter 1 - In which I have no idea what I'm getting into.
Chapter 2 - In which ordering creepy things at a hardware store is the height of suave domliness.
Chapter 3 - In which there is erotic muffin eating.
Chapter 4 - In which the only thing more romantic than stalking is straight-up kidnapping.
Chapter 5 - In which our heroine wakes up in a stranger's bed with no pants on, but don't worry, he didn't sexually assault her! He does that later.
Chapter 6 - In which there is a Relationship Non-Disclosure Agreement. And a helicopter. I like the helicopter better.
Chapter 7 - In which BDSM negotiation is all about driving a hard bargain.
Chapter 8 - In which sex is like the spin cycle on a washing machine.
Chapter 9 - In which mildly gross sex happens. Not much else.
Chapter 10 - In which the emotional abuse kicks into high gear, and starts looking distinctly less like "he's just passionate."
Chapter 11 - In which a BDSM contract has cross-references, appendices, and copious boilerplate. Pretty steamy stuff.
Chapter 12 - In which there is the first outright rape in the book.
Chapter 13 - In which a long and complex BDSM negotiation occurs despite one of the parties not actually wanting any BDSM at all.
Chapter 14 - In which Ana's graduation is all about Christian and his dick, because isn't everything.
Chapter 15 - In which your ass isn't something we can just dive into.
Chapter 16 - In which Ana is free to choose: she can say yes and be beaten as BDSM play, or she can say no and be beaten as punishment for saying no.
Chapter 17 - In which Christian gives precision-aimed attack gifts.
Chapter 18 - In which Ana hates BDSM, but the payoff is sex, which she also hates.
Chapter 19 - In which Ana declines to be fingered during dinner with her partner's family, which is just the worst thing a girlfriend could ever do, how dare she.
Chapter 20 - In which Ana saying "no" is sexy. Not so sexy that he'll actually stop when she says it, but, y'know, good and sexy.
Chapter 21 - In which I am on Team Kate forever.
Chapter 22 - In which THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.
Chapter 23 - In which oh god, it's that chapter with the tampon scene.
Fifty Shades Darker